I received a notification on my phone today that said there was a sharp increase in my readership here today. I haven’t posted anything here in a long time, so I was a bit perplexed. Then friends began notifying me of the new article up on Boerne Christian Assembly’s website and it all started to make sense.
Ten years ago, I was blissfully unaware of what was just about to take place. I had just finished my mandatory counseling with Beall Phillips and Reba Short on why I was such an ungodly wife (they had no specific examples, but just a general, broad accusation); I had written my private letter to Doug Phillips about why voting for his father’s third-party candidate was a losing proposition, and he had in turn not only preached against my letter point-by-point on Election Sunday, but had also threatened me with “You will pay for this!” But that retribution did not take effect for three more months, when I was excommunicated on January 30, 2005. There were no reasons given for my excommunication, except for broad-brushed generalizations that I was not a godly wife.
Confused and deeply hurt, Mark and I tried every possible way we knew to reconcile with Doug Phillips and BCA, but he finally threatened to sue us if we ever contacted him again. When I knew that my heart was right with God on this matter, and I found out that Doug Phillips had hurt other people without a just cause, I began to sense that this was a pattern of spiritual abuse and that my homeschool patriarchy friends needed to be warned about this wolf in sheep’s clothing, so nearly two years after we were excommunicated, I began this blog. (If you have not read my story in full, it is listed to the left of this article.)
After nine years, Doug Phillips was forced to (voluntarily) resign from his position as President of Vision Forum Ministries and he subsequently lost his business when the homeschool world was rocked with the revelation that Doug Phillips, the man who held himself out as the one to emulate in having the “perfect” godly family, was really a hypocrite to the highest degree, teaching one thing and living a lie, having an “inappropriate” relationship for many years with a young woman who happened to be my daughter’s best friend.
Doug Phillips’ resignation took place just over one year ago, and since that time, I have had many conversations with numerous people who have been either directly or indirectly involved in this whole saga of what was happening behind the scenes in the last fifteen years. I have finally found out the real reason I was excommunicated: my “sin” that was kept secret from the whole world, one that even I was not aware of. As I share this, I realize I have no “proof,” but every indication points to the “real” reason for my unjust excommunication.
Doug Phillips is used to being the “top dog” in his own circles. As the years went by, first hundreds, and then thousands, of homeschool families literally worshiped Doug and his teachings, following him around from one homeschool conference to another, and clamoring to attend his “patriarchy-homeschool-only” events. They were quite memorable and well-done trips and events, to be sure! Those who challenged Doug were the “outsiders,” those Jezebels and liberals and feminists and all those who never measured up in Doug’s eyes. But no one inside his circles ever stood up to him and challenged him — until I came along. However, I don’t think that being challenged by a woman, as insulting as that was to Doug, was the underlying reason for my excommunication, although Doug used it as his “justification.”
During the five years we were at BCA, my daughter was best friends with Lourdes. They were inseparable and shared all their secrets together. But as Lourdes turned 18 and “graduated” from high school, something began to change, ever so slightly. During these Vision Forum grand events that Doug Phillips and Vision Forum Ministries would put on, he needed help with his many kids, so he and Beall would bring along a nanny for the trip. One year, it was Natasha’s turn to be a nanny for the Faith and Freedom Tour, a highly coveted trip indeed! But then something happened. Out of the blue, and with no explanation given, Doug informed Natasha that he would be taking Lourdes instead of Natasha. My daughter was understandably devastated and confused. That did not make any sense to us ten years ago.
But that was the beginning of Doug Phillips’ more overt attention toward Lourdes, although he had made it abundantly clear what his intentions were long before she turned 18. So, if Doug had his eye on Lourdes, and Lourdes shared all her secrets with Natasha, what would happen if Natasha told her mother that Doug was acting inappropriately toward Lourdes? Would I be bullied into keeping quiet? Or would I speak out and tell the world what Doug Phillips was really doing behind the scenes? Whether Doug Phillips correctly guessed or not, he obviously chose to get me out of the way, and that meant getting my whole family out of the way so he could continue to pursue this young lady he had fallen in love with.
So, in reality, I was excommunicated so that Doug Phillips could get my family, and especially me, out of his way so he could pursue another woman other than his wife. I cannot help but think of the time in church when Doug said, “When a man falls in love, all reason goes out the window.” This was more than foolish young love, however.
Today, BCA’s new elders announced that BCA has excommunicated Doug Phillips because they feel he has not repented for his sins that he first confessed to BCA nearly two years, and for which he resigned one year ago. This story has now come full circle. As I try to process this event today, I have several thoughts and would like to share some words from my heart to several people involved here. Please allow me to post several open letters in this article.
Today you are reaping what you have sown. You have been instrumental in excommunicating many individuals and families, whether at BCA or through other NCFIC churches. You have ruined many businesses and careers because of your involvement. You have threatened many people with lawsuits, you have stolen what has belonged to others, you have brought much fear and terror to many families who trusted you and looked up to you. I won’t name names here, but you know the hundreds of people whose lives have been greatly harmed because of how you made yourself judge and jury in people’s personal lives, and you made yourself “God” in judging who was sinning and who was not.
You also set yourself up as the “model” godly family, inviting trusting homeschool families to emulate you and look up to you, while you lived a lie at home. You have treated your own children abominably and they probably don’t even realize it yet. You have “dealt treacherously” with the wife of your youth, and defrauded another young woman who looked up to you and trusted you.
You have not dealt with the pornography problem, you have cheated your customers, you have lied to get what you want including lying about being commissioned to begin this church which has just excommunicated you, you have not honored your parents and you have blatantly dishonored Beall’s parents. You have committed murder and adultery in your heart, many times. You have stolen and lied and coveted ideas and businesses and recognition that belonged to others. You teach the Ten Commandments but you do not live them.
I have no problems in listing the “sins” you have been excommunicated for, although BCA probably has their own list.
But I am not going to call you to change your ways. No, I am not. Patriarchy was wrongly built on a performance-based platform. Patriarchy’s platform was performance and perfection. “If you do this, it’s a sin.” “If you don’t do that, it’s a sin.” “If you behave in this way, God will be pleased.” “If you follow this rule or that rule, you will be blessed.” Perhaps your greatest sin, Doug, is in leading so many astray from the real truth of God’s Word, putting them in a bondage never designed for us.
Doug, that is not the God of the New Covenant. You have attempted to live your life by the letter of the Law rather than the spirit. Whenever we focus on outward rules and restrictions, we will certainly doom ourselves to doing the opposite of what we are trying to do. And the harder we try, the more we fail. And that is what is being demonstrated in your own life today. You have forced so many rules down the throats of hundreds of thousands of homeschool families, a burden God never intended us to bear. You could not bear that heavy burden either, so I will not call you to continue to try to carry this heavy burden of performance.
We have all sinned. No one here is perfect: not you, not me, not any of us homeschool families. It is not up to us to judge one another in our lack of perfection since performance and perfection was never God’s intent for us. Doug, this is a heart issue. God wants you to simply put your heart in His hands and allow Him to mold your stony heart into a softened heart of flesh. When God writes His Law of Love on our hearts and minds, then God’s love is that driving force in our lives. We no longer need to strive to obey Him or work hard to please Him. Instead, we simply respond to His love as His love so fills us to overflowing that we cannot help but love all those He puts in our lives.
And that is why I can honestly say, Doug, that I do love you. God has filled me to overflowing with His love and I deeply desire to see you experience this love that only God can fill you with. Doug, my prayer for you today is that you turn your hard heart to God and allow Him to soften it with His love.
Although you will never experience the depth of loss and shunning that I did, I want you to know that in this very ironic turn of events, you and I are now on the same team: those who are being shunned by the “community.” Like I told your husband, I am really not interested in what you did wrong or right, but I just want you to know that I care. I will not participate in the “shunning” that accompanies excommunication in this “community.” I will not return wrong for wrong.
I choose to believe that you did not willingly participate in my excommunication, Beall. I know that you truly believe that you must submit to your husband in all things, and in some sense that is admirable. But there are times when you need to realize that it is better not to be complicit in your husband’s abuse of others.
I will never forget the day we met in Costco. Only you know what I am talking about. Know that if I saw you again, it would be the same way.
Beall, I pray that God will give you the courage to do what is right, no matter what. This is not a performance-based “doing what is right,” but this is the natural result of the love of God permeating your very being.
I miss you, Beall.
Dear Joshua, Justice, Liberty, Jubilee, Faith, Honor, Providence, and Virginia,
What has happened today will not really sink in for a long time. You may not ever fully understand it. It may take years and years to process it. As I think back to how my own children’s lives were devastated by our excommunication, I can only say that I would never wish that upon any other child, and especially upon those whose lives we have been a part of.
For many years, I watched you grow up. Most of you were friends with my own kids. Natasha was like a second mom to Honor. It broke her heart to have him ripped away from her like that. I know it is very difficult to lose all your friends you have known your whole life. I hear that you are attending another church now. It is not the same, is it? I know how difficult it is to lose your whole way of life, and everyone you love, and try to start over.
Some of you will handle this better than others. Some of you will carry the scars of this for the rest of your life. I pray that as the years go by, and you struggle with all the questions that will come up, that you will find that only realizing how much God truly does love you is where you will find your healing.
I pray that none of you ever experience the depth of pain and suffering that my own children did in the excommunication. I pray that no one ever publicly turns their back on you or ignores you and pretends like you don’t exist because of something your father did. I pray that God will heal you from the things your father has done to you.
Perhaps you will see this letter to you many years from now, as I know you will not be allowed to read it now. When you finally read this, know that I have been praying for you all these years.
Dear Mark, Natasha, Joshua, and Alicia,
This is karma for us. What goes around, comes around. But there is a huge difference between taking revenge personally and allowing God to work in His own way and His own time. There are always consequences for our actions in life, and today is a perfect example of that.
No matter what happens to Doug Phillips, though, never let him rule your life. Forgiveness frees US from Doug Phillips having any power in our lives. Anger and bitterness only gives Doug authority and power. God’s Word is always proven true in how we are to treat our enemies, and Doug has treated us like an enemy: Let us resolve to love Doug Phillips, to pray for him, to forgive him, to bless him, and to do good to him. We will leave the rest up to God.
God loves each one of you and rescued us all from the pit of patriarchy and legalism.
Dear Lourdes, my dear friend,
What a blessing it has been for our families to renew our friendships once again! We have thought about you and anguished over our lost relationship throughout the years. Natasha has cried countless tears at the loss of her best friend.
But God has graciously brought us all back together again and I am loving the time I get to spend with you — long talks together, delicious homemade meals in your home, running errands together, and even working together! How ironic that we would end up working outside the home together!
It is even more ironic, and perhaps fitting, that God would use women and children to bring down Doug Phillips’ ship. His foundation was “Women and Children First,” based upon the Titanic, but in reality, Doug trampled on women and children, rather than protecting them. God’s ironies are far greater than anything we could have planned!
Speaking of God, Lourdes, I don’t think I have ever seen someone so filled with the love of God as I do in you! You have no unforgiveness in your heart, no anger, no bitterness toward Doug. It always amazes me that when you and I get together, the focus of our conversations are on moving forward in life, rather than continually hashing out the hurts of the past. While dealing with the past is necessary for healing, it is also vitally important to move on to the “acceptance” stage of life, and that is where we both live now.
The joy of the Lord is my strength! That joy is so evident in you, my dear friend! I look forward to many more years of sharing our lives together!
To the elders of BCA: Jeff Horn and David Fry,
While I have never met you, I’m sure you know who I am. I can’t help but see a striking difference between my own excommunication and that of Doug Phillips. While I do not know all the specifics, what I do know is significant. I know that Doug “confessed” to certain sins in February, 2013, and was then “forced” to resign in October, 2013, just over one year ago. I have also seen the change in eldership since that time as well.
Nearly two years has gone by since this first became known to the church. It appears, although I cannot verify this, that everything possible has been done to restore Doug to his church. Thank you for taking plenty of time in working through this situation when you could have easily jumped straight into the quick disciplinary action Doug was well-known for. He was shown the mercy through you that he himself never extended.
I also thank you for not taking the easy way and just believing that Doug Phillips was repentant. Doug may have fooled many with his smooth talk and charm, but those of us who know him well know very well that he is not the least bit repentant. In excommunicating him, you have not only shown that we share this view, but you have also effectually said that Doug has committed some serious wrongs. This was not done without much prayer and time, and that is obvious. Thank you.
I also realize that as elders, you have inherited a mess at BCA. Many people, including my family, have been greatly harmed and wounded at the hands of BCA, in some way. I pray that you will not try to simply sweep all these wrongs under the rug, but as these are all bound up with Doug Phillips, in some way, I sincerely hope that you will also be the catalyst to bring healing to a very hurting community. God has given you an incredible responsibility at this point in time. Please use it wisely.
Dear Past and Present BCA members, and members of the “community,”
Whether or not you ever signed your name on the dotted line of the “till death do us part” covenant, we are all still united. God is the One who brought us all together, and no matter what hurt or pain has separated us, our hearts are still connected, and always will be. God made us that way.
There is no place like BCA, no “community” like ours. It is one of a kind, never to be duplicated again. Whatever happens in the community in the future, whatever happens to BCA, let us all keep one another in our hearts and in our lives. You can tell your stories to your friends and family far and wide, but they will never “get” it, because it is such an unusual place.
There is a ton of hurt and pain in this community right now. We all need healing. We can blame Doug Phillips or you can blame me, or we can play the blame game all day long, but the truth is that we need one another, and we need God for healing. Not only do we need healing on an individual level, many of us, but we all need healing on a corporate level. We, the “community,” and we, the past and present members of BCA, are part of one united body. Why are we self-inflicting wounds? Why not bind up those broken hearts, why not reach out to those we have judged as being “not worthy,” why not come together in unity as Christ commissioned us to?
Do you remember the first year together, when we learned about “one anothering” in the Bible, when love and fellowship was contagiously high? Have we lost our first love?
There are many of you I have not met yet. You are still a part of my heart. I want you to know that I love you and am praying for each of you and for this “community.”
PS. I want to say a special word to Jennifer Grady. I don’t judge you. I’ve been in your shoes in so many ways. You have spunk and you’re gonna make it! I’ve heard that you have made some awesome changes in life lately! Great job! Always remember that God loves you just the way you are.
To my readers, especially those affected by patriarchy and/or the NCFIC,
Thank you. You all have helped me go through this difficult part of life in a way I would never have dreamed of!
It may be tempting right now to gloat about what is happening to Doug Phillips, but that was never my intention here. I came here solely to warn people about a wolf in sheep’s clothing because I didn’t want anyone to be hurt in the way my family was. While many readers heeded the warning the first year (I personally heard from over 1000 families who left patriarchy the first year I told my story here), unfortunately, there were many more who did not listen. It grieves me deeply to see how many people and how many families have been wounded by Doug Phillips, either personally or through his teachings. So let us not use this opportunity to rejoice at someone’s fall, but let us endeavor together to pray that God will soften his heart of stone, and let us pray for Beall and their children, and for Lourdes. My family still really needs prayer and healing. And BCA.
You are all my extended family. I thank God for each one of you. I pray that this whole ordeal will be a life-changing lesson not only for us individually, but as the larger community of Christian homeschoolers.
This has left a black eye, or worse, for Christian homeschoolers. Let’s let God put a steak on that black eye and bring healing to our whole body.
November 18, 2014 at 12:28 am
How good to know how God has led you through the hard times. It is a lesson to all of us involved in these out of balance churches. I also confess that I love the folks at my old church. But it’s not to my credit, that love comes from God because it’s nothing I could muster up or fake for long. It was this blog that helped me see what I was involved with and made me start thinking. My prayers go out to those being deceived by these leaders. Many do not know the agenda of the inner circle of the NCFIC leadership. Trust me, they are angels of light, interested in lording it over others and captivating them in a system of nascent legalism. The good news is that God will lead His own out when He has accomplished His purpose; leaders, pastor’s assistants, staff members and members will come out of these churches and they will be better for having gone through it! I extend a special thanks to all the folks on this blog who have been (and are) praying for those of us caught up in, or coming out of the patriarchal/NCFIC movement. I know a few prayed for myself and my family. Thanks to you all and special thanks to Jen for this blog.
November 18, 2014 at 10:50 am
Andrew, I am sorry that you are currently going through your own hurtful NCFIC church situation. I have seen God working in your own heart and life throughout this experience, however, and I am glad to have “met” you. God brings people together who experience similar circumstances in life so that we may comfort one another and pray for one another. Thank you for speaking out. Most people who have been hurt in this way still refuse to speak up.
November 19, 2014 at 12:49 am
Jen, Please don’t feel bad for me. It has all worked out tremendously for the good. And now I know the truth. It is sad, but not for me. It is sad for those who are still being deceived. One leader I spoke with expressed misgivings about the ‘guests’ and associations but said, ‘As long as the Bible is preached I’m staying’ Unfortunately (if reports are to believed) he was named as the witness in my second meeting after the leader spoke with me one on one. That second meeting, the one where a witness it supposed to be brought along when confronting a brother in error, never happened. If the church was told that then that man sat there and said nothing. He knows now that the leader may preach one thing but he most definitely practices another. I pray for that man and others who are being fooled while the leader stands as a representative for the NCFIC. My prayer is that he would humble himself and stand for God alone. May that day come soon. I love him. To those who are reading this and know who I am I love you all. I miss you all, so does my wife. PLEASE do not believe everything you hear, investigate things for yourself. Consider what has happened in the past few years.
November 20, 2014 at 12:26 am
Andrew, I am glad that you are seeing this in a similar way to how I did. I realize it was all for my own good, but I felt bad for those who were, and still are, blinded.
November 18, 2014 at 7:34 am
Wow, Jen. You sure poured your heart into all of these responses. I see God’s grace working as you reach out in love to all. I realize, because I am not naive, that many will see your responses in a wrong light, and will continue to judge you. I know you know that God is the one who sees your heart. Cling to Him… to His forgiveness and grace and mercy and love. He is in you. Jesus is our hope.
November 18, 2014 at 10:51 am
Thank you, Janet. I know God changed my heart from my BCA days, so I know He can do the same for others. I pray for that!
November 18, 2014 at 8:06 am
Beale posted a long letter in response to the excommunication on facebook. Have you seen it
November 18, 2014 at 10:38 am
Thank you for that information, Shana. Here is Beall Phillips’ response to their excommunication, as written on her Facebook page:
November 18, 2014 at 8:54 am
Jen, I am still amazed at what you have had to live through. May God continue to bless you and your family.
Shana, I read Beall’s post on her Facebook page. It sounds to me like it’s just “more of the same”. It’s not their fault; it’s someone else’s fault. The more I read from and about Beall, she is no victim. She is complicit in narcissistic and spiritually abusive behavior. She states her case on FB, but will delete your comments. I understand one’s hesitation to dialogue with the world, but she is having her say, yet wants others to remain silent. Or, she is effectively controlling the situation by instructing people to private message her. This a big sign of a control issue.
Having walked this path with a narcissistic business partner and his uber manipulative, lying , charming wife, I urge people not to be taken in by these personalities. As Christians, we want to be forgiving and loving and God’s love in us makes our hearts naturally tender and we almost always respond lovingly. That is to our detriment with people like them.Treat them as you would a rattlesnake. Realize they are dangerous, their venom is always poisonous, and they will not change. They are incapable of it, in fact. (I know I will get flack for that, but the prognosis is not good for personality disorders,) Avoid them like you would a rattler.
November 18, 2014 at 10:54 am
There are two sides to every story, so I went ahead and posted Beall’s response above. It is interesting that nearly everything she accuses BCA of doing is what Doug Phillips did to me. Does she not see that they are literally reaping what they have sown all these years?
November 18, 2014 at 11:51 am
“Does she not see that they are literally reaping what they have sown all these years?” I think it’s entirely possible that she may see it. Maybe someday she’ll post her own article, in her own words, and then we’ll all know too; but so far it’s just been Doug posting his articles on Beall’s Facebook, posing as Beall. So it’s hard to know what Beall is thinking, or if she is even capable of thinking for herself anymore.
Jen, I find it more than a little ironic that Doug, in his article on Beall’s Facebook, alleges that he is the victim of a “star chamber proceeding.” For those who don’t know what a star chamber proceeding looks like, they can review Jen’s own account of it by reading https://jensgems.wordpress.com/2006/12/18/doug-phillips-excommunicates-by-star-chamber/
It’s implausible that Doug Phillips was excommunicated by star chamber proceeding. For one thing there was no “rush to judgment” as typifies star chamber proceedings. The judgment was handed down only after a very long time had passed, and my understanding of the long delay is that BCA was attempting to facilitate reconciliation with Doug. But for Doug reconciliation can only occur where it’s done according to his own terms and conditions.
I don’t buy any of Doug’s latest spin, and I’m sure Jen doesn’t either. We both know too much of the back-story to know it’s a blatant misrepresentation of what’s actually occurred.
December 6, 2014 at 9:44 am
I can’t help but laugh at Beall’s response. I want to say, “Um, Beall, please check yourself – your arrogant pride is showing…”
It’s almost unbelievable she has the audacity to post anything.
Also – Hyde Park Baptist….thanks for letting us all know where not to visit.
Are they living in Austin? In Hyde Park area? One of THE MOST expensive places to live in Austin….
November 18, 2014 at 10:07 am
Thanks Jen for calling me and giving me the heads-up about Doug’s excommunication. I’m so glad we had that discussion, and I’m so glad that you were willing to follow up with this article. Definitely one of your best!
Spiritual abuse has been likened to rape because it often produces exactly the same emotional, psychological and even physiological responses as sexual rape. Both involve trauma and both often result in PTSD. It’s for good reason some people use the term “spiritual rape.”
Recovering from spiritual abuse is generally a long-term process, just like recovering from sexual rape is a long-term process. The more intensely you’ve been victimized by a spiritual abuser, or a system of spiritual abuse, the longer the recovery usually takes. This isn’t to say that “time heals all wounds.” I don’t buy into that, and the proof that that’s a fallacy is in how many people live their entire lives in unforgiveness, taking it with them to their graves. The evidence that you’ve been truly healed is that you have forgiven those who harmed and injured you. Only Jesus can heal us, but He instructs us in how our healing must come — through forgiveness.
I tremble when I contemplate how easily I could have taken my own unforgiveness — indeed bitterness — to the grave; but praise God there really is deliverance through forgiveness. There’s something truly supernatural about it, and it really is possible to forgive our abusers — even when they never repent — even when, as Doug Phillips has done, they play the innocent victim (as he has just done, yet once again, by posting another “poor innocent me” article on Beall’s Facebook).
Apart from forgiveness we’ll find ourselves continuing to hand over control of our lives to our abusers, even if we’ve had no contact with them for years. It’s easy to say, “Oh, yes, I forgive them.” But how do we truly know for certain when we’ve genuinely forgiven? We know when we can do what you’ve done, Jen — by blessing them and praying that God would bless them: “bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (Luke 6:28). When our hearts cringe at the idea of blessing an abuser, and what we really want is for God to punish them, it’s a reasonable indication that we haven’t yet forgiven them.
If we haven’t arrived yet at a place of genuine forgiveness then we shouldn’t live in denial of it. It’s better to just admit it to ourselves, to others, and especially to God. “Lord, I know your Word tells me to forgive, and I want to obey you; but I’m just not ready. Please change my heart so I can come to a place of real forgiveness. I know this unforgiveness is just bondage to me and I don’t want to be in bondage. I especially don’t want to be bitter because bitterness is just a poison to the soul. Please show me how to forgive.” God honors that kind of honesty, and He does answer such prayers.
Tragically there are many who profess the Lord’s name who may only wound the victims of spiritual abuse the more with callous statements like, “You just need to move on, forget about it, let it go” etc. In the years you’ve had this blog, Jen, you’ve been subjected to a great deal of that from various commenters, as well as uncharitable articles and comments posted on other blogs. In doing so they only re-victimize the victim. To tell you, or me, or any other victim of spiritual rape, “You just need to get over it” is as cold and calloused as to tell the victim of sexual rape, “You just need to get over it.” But “Getting over it” is quite the opposite of forgiveness — it’s about denial and fantasy thinking — pretending like it never happened or that it wasn’t nearly as horrific as it really was. Genuine forgiveness is quite the opposite. It’s about facing down your fears and trauma, taking them to the cross of Christ, and asking Him for the supernatural ability to forgive your abuser(s).
Jen, it’s been an honor and privilege to get to know you and see how God has been working in and through your life. I know that the Lord has used you to minister healing to many. This isn’t to say that you’ve always handled things flawlessly (and God knows I’ve often fallen very far short of the mark myself). But as imperfect as you are you’ve been an inspiration to me and many others of God’s grace. The more flawed we are the more God is gloried in lifting us out of the mire.
May God’s grace and His redemptive work touch the lives of the Doug Phillips family (in Doug’s case it begins with genuine repentance; and repentance like forgiveness is a gift to us from God).
May God’s grace and redemptive work touch and minister to the many families that have been left disillusioned by the fall of Doug Phillips. May they turn to Christ and Christ alone (Sola Christo).
And Jen, you already know that you and your kids (and even your ex-) are regularly in my prayers. May God minister healing and full recovery to them all, and may God grant reconciliation of the many relationships that were destroyed by Doug Phillips.
November 18, 2014 at 10:32 am
TW, wow! What a transformation I see in your own life for you to share these words! God is truly working in your heart in incredible ways!
You have been there for me through thick and thin in all this. I treasure our friendship that has grown out of this mess. You are indeed one of the best blessings in my life that came about because of Doug Phillips! Thank you with all my heart for the work you have done here in writing your fantastic articles and all the work we have done together behind the scenes. I am privileged to have you on my side and to know you as my friend.
November 19, 2014 at 7:13 am
AMEN TW! Although I have never thought through the matter I have enjoyed the release that only forgiveness allows toward the man who (and folks who) meant to harm me and others. I can truly say I love them and that is because of God’s great mercy! Love always forgives and never ends. God shed it abroad in my heart and it has been a great blessing to me. Please pray for me, as I told my wife I find myself grieving for my old leader and for those who are shunning us. That grief is the hard part now, but I imagine it is also part of the process that love began. I will pray for you as well. Your message is well put.
November 18, 2014 at 10:33 am
Beautiful, beautiful letters.
November 18, 2014 at 12:59 pm
“It grieves me deeply to see how many people and how many families have been wounded by Doug Phillips, either personally or through his teachings. So let us not use this opportunity to rejoice at someone’s fall, but let us endeavor together to pray that God will soften his heart of stone, and let us pray for Beall and their children, and for Lourdes. My family still really needs prayer and healing. And BCA”
November 18, 2014 at 4:26 pm
Gotta say……. For some of us paddling the waves of recent excommunication, I can’t help but believe that the leading pastors in the NCFIC will not get it. The church I left (which excommunicated me five weeks afterward) is very set on needing to believe their ways are righteous. The hard heartedness is shocking. impenetrable, and ungodly. I can only imagine what their “fruits in keeping with repentance” could possibly look like if they ever see the Light. So many people, so much damage, and all in the name of Jesus.
The irony in DP being excommunicated is incontrovertible, but I’m not holding my breath for “the community” to wake up.
Jen, I love you and I am so thankful for your courage. T.W., I copied some of your words regarding praying for forgiveness and emailed them to myself as a reminder. There tends to be an ebb and flow in my heart in this regard. Some days are better than others.
November 18, 2014 at 6:48 pm
oneh20, I’m praying for you as well as you go through something similar. There are no promises that this will all work out in the end, so it is up to each one of us how we handle this in our own hearts. You will make it through this, oneh20. I know it’s difficult right now, but keep your head up and go with God!
November 18, 2014 at 10:45 pm
Jen: Thank you for this site. Wished I could remember, believe it was your article in some other site where you were blogging about spiritual abuse and excommunication. This was a great research and information site on Phillips and BCA. Didn’t know anything about this subject and or Mark Driscoll (even though read where he was well known). Thank you for your letters and sharing your heart. Had my stint with church abuse that exposed for YEARS, “10 Lies the Church Tells Women”, by J. Lee Grady based on my former movement & his other books; along with “Don’t Call Me Brother” by Austin Miles regarding the denomination & “Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” by Johnson/Van Vonderan, was like he was sitting in my former church cult and wrote the book. Out of it all came: Troublemakers in the Church by David Wilkerson he was praying for armies of them. In researching an abuse case came across Spiritualsoundingboard.com. Thank you for sharing, blogging. Was going to ask Julie Anne who Phillips/Driscoll were (researching); you helped. Tks. Unfortunately a lot of abusive men in the pulpit; God does not waste a thing in our lives, you’re helping people get through church abuse.
November 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Wow, I am glad I was able to be of some help in this journey. I wish “spiritual abuse” was not even a concept, but since it is far more common today than it should be, I will stand up against it in my own little spot here.
November 18, 2014 at 11:01 pm
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November 19, 2014 at 3:34 am
P.S. The consensus on another Blog Site regarding Doug Phillips wife’s letter is that Doug wrote it. Somewhere on spiritualsoundingboard.com and annunk blog site as well as other sites give you a list of men in Christendom along with editors of magazines/newspapers to report and investigate church abuse been at it over fifty years and hardcore since 2000. Had women in L.A./Orange County leaving all types of denominations leaving churches and killing themselves due to very wrong advice. Grew up under a very hitler/Napoleon narcissistic pastor for over twenty years, watch God do an Ezekiel 34:/Jeremiah 23 scattering sheep that still have never recovered from all the abuse. Created a list of books and teachings to recover and collect Blog Sites so people can see they aren’t the only ones going through it. Last case worked on some couple fasted their four month old to death and a young woman got brutally murdered in this same church (so far, no justice for either one, please all pray as that could have been our children or ourselves etc).
November 19, 2014 at 8:28 am
[…] Posted at Jen’s Gems – Doug Phillips’ Ecclesiastical Tyranny and Abuse: […]
November 19, 2014 at 8:57 am
I enjoyed a number of DP’s teaching materials, although the percolating arrogance in many of his messages was hard to escape. Not sure how he could be a member of a church in good standing now, when he was excommunicated from another?
November 22, 2014 at 3:59 pm
Neophytos, not all churches recognize the discipline of another church.
December 6, 2014 at 9:46 am
Should any? Church discipline is so oxymoronic.
November 19, 2014 at 9:42 am
I am one of those individuals who recently found your website directly due to the Excommunication of Doug Phillips by BCA. My husband and I had attended for several years a church run by a pastor that you mention early in your story. We have recently left the NCFIC arena and are wondering what to do and where to go. I am SO Thankful to find your blog! I had recently joined the “No Longer Quivering” fb group just to try and get some more information and balance – but unfortunately it appears the woman in charge has turned away from the Lord. I do not want to do that. So to find your blog and that you still love the Lord and are desiring to grow in Him while recovering from this environment is just a delight! We too have a story to tell – one that shows how even when you’re not in the deep headwaters of a movement (as you were) but only in waist-deep, it still has deep profound consequences for the family and people’s lives. Interestingly enough, an item or two of our story is the exact opposite of yours and shows how the tactics and duplicity changes when it’s the wife that desires to submit to the church without question but the husband does not! Anyway – I wish we were neighbors as I would love to know you. Til then – God bless!
November 19, 2014 at 7:49 pm
If I might be so bold. Just find a good Bible teaching church, a pastor who doesn’t bloviate, with regular folks who are trying to behave like Jesus and who actually know Him as Savior. If it seems perfect leave cause it’s a lie. Don’t fight, don’t look at externals, ignore the tattoos and clothes and love them. Reevaluate all the presuppositions you were taught at your NCFIC church. Resist correcting if someone says ‘good luck’, or ‘kids’ instead of ‘children’, or ‘Holy cow!’ or the myriad other phrases that got the withering glances from the ‘elect’ at former fellowships. Extend God’s grace to everyone like He has to you. Sit back, listen, be a friend and get ready to love hurting folks. They may not be hurting in the same way you’ve been hurt but, trust me, it’s pretty much the same. Be shock proof. Remember you likely came from a place where everyone put on the Church Face and behaved like they were just about ready to fly away OH GLORY! Enjoy meeting real people with real problems working out their salvation and getting sanctified. Then breath a sigh of relief, you don’t have to judge anymore! Let God do His work. No, it ain’t heaven but it’s real and God’s put you there to be real! Heaven’s ahead it’s not yet. God bless you in your journey!
November 20, 2014 at 10:23 pm
Love this response “Andrew” we love you guys. Prayers and fellowship today and always, God knows the deepest crevice of mans heart. Let us be His hands and feet to a hurting world, with a heart full of love. Good night brother. Please give your wife a hug from me.
November 21, 2014 at 8:32 am
November 20, 2014 at 12:35 am
WifeAndMotherOfMany, I am so glad you found me, too! I would love to hear your story. Feel free to write me privately, if you would like. I don’t know if you are still in the area, but I am still in the San Antonio area. I hope to hear from you soon!
November 21, 2014 at 8:33 am
Thank you Jen. I did send you an email….
November 19, 2014 at 1:16 pm
What factors contributed to the downfall of Doug Phillips and Mark Driscoll; two of the most influential leaders among Calvinist Christians? Abuse of authority is not one of the Ten Commandments so it took some time for the legally-minded to understand what was wrong. Phillips and Driscoll left scores of devastated people in the wake of unjustified excommunications.
What is the common thread and how did they rise to the top? Though defensive about the subject; many reformed evangelical conservatives believe that men are superior to women in general. It goes far beyond being the head of their household. Add the emphasis on authority and you have unknowingly put out a welcome sign to bullies. Spiritual abuse, domestic abuse, and child abuse are more likely to go unchallenged. The line between misbehavior and criminal behavior can be crossed repeatedly because we are just “sinners saved by grace”, not perfect but always forgiven.
I’m sure there are Godly Calvinists out there. It was personal experience with this faction of Calvinists that led to my conclusion. I have several family members in this group. They are shunning me because they “don’t trust my judgement”. I am not allowed to see my nieces who are toddlers. It is totally unjustified and heart-breaking. I draw closer to God; which is always a good thing. I’m so glad there are ways to speak out. Thank you.
November 20, 2014 at 12:39 am
Joannecom, thank you for your thoughts here. I agree with much of what you have to speak regarding Phillips and Driscoll. They really are so similar in their abuse and control, in their love of money and power, and in their sexist thinking and teaching.
I am sorry, however, to hear that you are being shunned by family. There is NO excuse for families to do that to one another, and certainly not over religious beliefs.
November 20, 2014 at 12:40 am
Beall Phillips blocked me on Facebook over this. That is very sad to me.
December 6, 2014 at 9:48 am
But …as expected. Social media is her only means of kicking you down….
November 20, 2014 at 12:35 pm
I took some longer time than normal to read this and then some time before I commented. This man Doug Phillips is under the judgment of God. I pray he repents.
November 20, 2014 at 4:54 pm
Hi Jen. What do you know about guys like Voddie B. He’s an interesting one, because it seems like back in his early days he was very involved with Doug and others like him. He is now more into the Gospel Coalition etc. I like Voddie, but I wonder if his silence on his affiliation with Doug is a bad decision. I find it hard to believe, that he was unaware or didn’t see some of these character flaws in Doug. Thoughts?
November 22, 2014 at 3:58 pm
Hi Pete! Thanks for asking. I do not personally know Voddie Baucham, but I think, if I remember correctly, he immediately distanced himself from Doug Phillips last year when Doug resigned. Perhaps other commenters here could give more specifics on that, or correct me if I’m wrong.
As far as I know, Voddie was never close to Doug personally like Scott Brown or Don Hart were, or some of the others. I know that they worked together at various conferences and events, but that doesn’t mean that Voddie had any idea of who Doug really was behind the scenes.
Doug is a real charmer. If he wanted to use someone, they would probably never see his flaws. But when he was through with you, watch out! That’s when the hidden side came out.
To me, Voddie was the token black guy for Doug. Doug had been accused of being a racist, and then suddenly Voddie came along in Doug’s world. I feel sorry for him that Doug used him in that way, but from what I’ve heard from many people, Voddie has many great qualities. Other than that, I really can’t speak to that relationship.
December 2, 2014 at 2:10 am
I’ll give my opinion on Voddie, for what it is worth. He is no better than Doug Phillips and teaches the same ole false garbage wrapped up in a Neo-Calvinistic Gospel Coalition wrapper. You see, a lot of these false patriarchal teachings cross denominations and the theological spectrum. You have IFB (Bill Gothard), Neo-Calvinism (Voddie Baucham, Joshua Harris), and of course the reconstructionists and hardcore Calvinists.
I have almost zero respect for Voddie Baucham as a teacher or commentator. He, like many of the self-appointed gurus of our day are extremely arrogant, which can easily be documented on his FB and Twitter accounts, and he makes his money on advocated trendy teachings, like family-integrated church, quiverfull doctrine, stay at home uneducated daughters, etc. The man, in my opinion, is a legalistic teacher who is in grave error, but hey, he has the right soteriology according to his buddies at TGC, so nobody is going to call him out on his garbage since it is a “non-essential” in cooperation for the Gospel. This is confusing because for some reason The Gospel Coalition finds issues like feelings about Calvinism and Complementarianism to be important enough to separate over, but not patriarchal false teaching.
I believe all of my above claims can be easily documented by his church’s doctrinal statement, his advocacy for the NCFIC, and even by his own daughters words in her book about being a stay-at-home daughter.
In short, avoid him like the plague and casually mention the problems with his theology with your friends, as it comes up, that are sucked into his camp at TGC.
November 21, 2014 at 8:49 pm
Has anyone read the World Net Daily article on Doug Phillips?
Personally, when you’re that Dictatorial and that controlling; self-righteous, pious there is secret sin in your life. Think, more will come out about Nanny that meets the eye (patriarchal cover up, and the good ol’ boys network, because it’s protect the dynasty at any cost=the money/numbers). Fox in the hen house theory or better yet, Bill’s famous line “I did NOT have sex with that woman”.
Also, when you use the pulpit for bashing, “men who use the pulpit are cowards”. Pulpit is not to be used for their wrong agenda or control.
ALL PRAY that the deep, dark and hidden things and those items/evil etc., done in secret come to the light especially in regards to Phillips, Driscoll, Duggar, church leadership at large and your churches. ENOUGH SHEEP (people) ABUSE!
Elderly intercession says pray that way (looked up Bible Verses); especially in regards to church leadership. Example: Saw at the time in regards to judicial court system and the corrupt system started being exposed, judges and lawyers alike. Then, IF these evil leaders cover up investigative report like Brian Houston did on his Father Frank regarding Hillsong over 30-4 years if not longer cover up of child pedophile why?; when the report should be public record! Brian didn’t want his over 60 million a year going away or his lifestyle, never made it right by the victims and covered up the evil. I Timothy 5:20.
You have a right to ask your leadership if they have a pornography problem or in adultery, or have ever molested a child or have they had homosexual affair and or if they have ever prayed for anyone to die (all more common than you know). Or, ask them if the leadership have they ever molested, raped and sodomized or murdered children (we are all God’s children NO matter what age). You have a right to know! I Peter 4:17
Worse, all being kept in lavish lifestyle with the people’s money if they are involved in this. If, they lie I’ve seen numerous consequences, one their sin comes public, they lose there church or they die (seen 1, 2 or all three happen). House of Eli is NOT a story or either what happen to King David (he had over five major things happen); or Ananias and Sapphira. God has his justice and timing. NEVER pray for anyone to die, please. The Old Testament is for today, the New Testament says that.
http://fiddlers.blogspot.com (Sunday, November 17, 2013), “Douglas Phillips’ Affair, and Why I Believe the Details Matter” good read. Dateline did an Expose “Unbreakable, Part I”, and The Witness Wore Red. Showing how Mother’s also of these young girls would not protect their daughters being molested or threatening them with hell and damnation if these young women spoke against leadership. Pretty sick stuff out there in the guise of religion.
Google: Controversial articles on name of pastor and or church, People’s negative feedback on name of pastor and or church, Abused by name of pastor and or church, watch and do those reads on anyone you want to know.
November 22, 2014 at 9:31 am
“Think, more will come out about Nanny that meets the eye” Indeed they will, including things not necessarily related directly to Lourdes. They’ll come out in the trial, things that are even far worse than the bukaake stuff (sorry to have to use such a disgusting term, but that’s what the perverse fetish of ejaculating onto someone is called).
A number of people have contacted Jen and I privately and inquired why we’ve been so quiet about Doug Phillips throughout much of this year. The timing on that was no coincidence. Jen renewed her friendship with Lourdes early this year, and from that began to learn even far more than she already knew. From that we made a strategic decision to slow down our reports out of concern that we could inadvertently give Doug Phillips a legal advantage by telegraphing too much of what we know. We didn’t want to run the risk of jeopardizing Lourdes’ case. Too many questions were being asked by our readers that we know the answers to, but it would have been imprudent for us to disclose.
Yes, we understand that proved frustrating to many of our readers; but it’s far more important that justice be done than that everyone’s personal curiousities are satisfied.
If anyone wants to ask questions about Lourdes, unrelated to the case, Jen can fill you in. Suffice to say she’s recovering from the trauma of having grown up in a sociological mind-control cult and she very much needs our prayers.
November 22, 2014 at 10:17 am
The word is bukakke and come from a Japanese word. Sorry I’m always looking at words that are new to me. This one is, as you say, crass but accurate.
November 23, 2014 at 3:46 pm
Thanks, TW, for explaining this. I knew Jen was busy, but it was kind of strange that things had just dried up… I guess the rest of us just have to be patient.
November 22, 2014 at 4:05 pm
WOW, you are correct. There is no excuse in today’s world for not checking those you desire to submit to and put yourself under. If you want to attend a church today, check them out. It’s for your own good.
Thanks for your warnings.
December 6, 2014 at 9:51 am
While I was there – I found that Doug actually used the pulpit to confess many of his sins. Those of us with Discernment have talked about this before. I was married to a man who lives a double life so I think I also sensed the same From Doug – could read between the lines…
Just a thought…
November 22, 2014 at 8:16 pm
Why do these leaders think they’re exempt from accountability? “SIN MAKES YOU STUPID”, no kidding. Are they so into “Kingdom of Self and God Players” (books by Earl Jabay). The now brainwashing item to the congregation, you’re/we’re NOT called to judge, NOT SCRIPTURAL and pull that lying SOB out of the pulpit (blatant show of control and above accountability). Years ago wrote an article just on excuses by church leadership to keep everyone controlled and in bondage and suppressed.
Andrew: thank you for being so bold to a comment, it was great and real; like the crass and accurate, yes but it’s truth, FINALLY. We need more Jehu types, men with Pelatos (Spanish for Balls to confront).
I stand corrected: Google: CBS Morning News, 11/06/2014 “Fresh approach draws thousands to NY” article/interview: article says 100 million a year (doesn’t clarify if that’s both church/music label that brings in that kind of money). Also, apply ALL those research questions at end of 11/21 @ 8:49 questions to Hillsong, Pastor Frank Houston Pedophile & hillsongchurchwatch.com 11 Saturday October 2014 “Exclusive-Brian Houston-“I got attacked by a protester”, And Huffington Post Article 10/2014; Donald Elley blogs at WordPress his exposure and comments on this and any site’s comments are all interesting to say the list.
I also think why Phillips & his Minions brainwashed ideals; kept women so suppressed and in bondage, is because they didn’t want their money going to pay for education for Female Gender. Don’t understand while women will work/worship the pastor but neglect their husband who is Father/provider. False Church has a lot to answer for. Bet you won’t find “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr Laura exemplified in these patriarchal disastrous homes=legalism. What about book: “When Women Were Priest” by Karen Jo Torjesen? How do they explain Jael’s, Deborah type women? I’ve met so many women Elijah and John the Baptist types also.
November 23, 2014 at 5:25 am
Did BCA really have authority to excommunicate DP? If he really is a member in good standing at Hyde Park Baptist, then I don’t see how BCA could legitimately excommunicate him.
November 23, 2014 at 9:39 pm
Erik, in a way, yes.
When Doug Phillips first instituted the “covenant” (not membership) for BCA, he set the parameters as pretty much “till death do us part.” It was nearly impossible to leave unless you died or were excommunicated. A letter of transfer to another church was nearly unheard of and next to impossible to obtain. Some people just left anyway and they were “excommunicated” for not getting permission to leave.
So Doug made his own rules, but now apparently does not want to live by them. According to Doug’s own rules, he must obtain permission to leave first, and according to BCA, he did not do that.
November 23, 2014 at 11:04 pm
So is Beall (or DP) incorrect in saying, “Our family asked for and was granted formal permission by the BCA church leadership to stop worshipping at BCA and to look for another church to join”? You say the letter of transfer was next to impossible to obtain. But don’t you think, of all people, DP would be able to obtain one? From Beall’s post, it sounds like there is new leadership at BCA that didn’t like that original decision. But can they really go back on their word?
December 7, 2014 at 12:43 am
Here’s a question I’ve always had about this “covenant”…
Why do people take it so seriously?? I’m asking a genuine question. Not being snarky at all. Even then, I never understood why it was such a big deal. It’s the equivalent of 1st Communion in the Catholic church – you’re officially “in for life.” But I don’t get it – maybe I just don’t really see the necessary need for a piece of paper to dictate my commitment to a church body. Until you were excommunicated I really didn’t think they were like all that serious about the whole thing anyway, because I just saw no true spiritual merit in a physical covenant.
It was legalism like… literally in black and white! LOL That’s what Jesus died to free us from so I never quite got it.
Also thought it was strange how closely BCA was complimentary towares Catholicism considering how much Doug hated The Pope. But. Whatever.
I really still do miss the singing.
“Come thou fount of every blessing, tune thine heart to sing thy grace.” …. I’ve been singing these songs acapella since as long as I can remember. I grew up in a church much like (less dysfunctional than) BCA. The hymns gave me chills when I was a kid. I understood them and felt God’s presence when I sang. I found that same feeling again at BCA. I miss it. The feeling. Not BCA. 🙂
Also funny side note…Beall’s favorite hymn is “Jesus, what a friend for sinners.” Seems appropriate. LOL
Anyway this whole comment is just randomly firing neurons at this point so – good night! Yay for lots of great news in this blog post!!
November 23, 2014 at 2:16 pm
Jen, I’m not going to deny the fact that your earlier posts seemed more harsh and you seemed more hurt. I understand the pain you have gone through at the hands of patriarchal abuse (I myself have gone though it). But those posts compared with this one are an amazing testament to what God is doing in your life.
Just…wow. These letters were solid gold. Wonderfully written, gracious, loving, and 1000% true, I could almost physically see God’s amazing love being poured out through these letters. I see a grace and forgiveness in you that encourages me. I pray for you, and your family, and may you continue to tear down patriarchy and evil ideas while building human beings up.
God bless you and your ministry richly!
November 23, 2014 at 9:40 pm
Dannyboy, thank you. I can see a HUGE difference in my own life and heart in the last ten years since I was excommunicated. God certainly used this for good in me. I’m glad that is apparent to others as well.
November 25, 2014 at 12:37 pm
Thank you Jen for letting Eston post a definition on his 11/22 comment and NOT removing it; plus his testimony of 11/18. Called a friend who is really well read and asked about Phillips/Driscoll; responded Phillips was a big deal and explained why (I’ve been in my womb/tomb/cave for a number of years, used to read a lot). Irony, is told her many years ago some stupid church sold there mailing list and would get a catalog of from Homeschool Ministry mentioned. Remember a very gifted prophetic male friend saw and went through the catalog and went ballistic about how religious it was believe way back then asked the round table of men to investigated that ministry way back then (early 2000 or before, believe have catalogued archived; letter would have date).
Will tell you why created report church abuse list. There was a pastor endorsing oral sex and sodomy from his church, private counseling, Sunday school teaching/platform. Men DON’T want to hear any type of correction from women or even other men (as we’re seeing/hearing years re: Phillips). Know who called David Wilkerson to deal with; trump card if he didn’t step down and bow out for minimum of two years and counseling that would make world-wide news, he stepped down. Gossip is so bad incident in mid-west that would hear about on east/west coast that he said well he read 3 books by Thomas Nelson publishers okaying and endorsing, my response is what three books and authors, please. There’s a lot to expound on, get the John Paul Jackson Jezebel teaching tape; from what reading consensus is Phillips will put himself back in ministry of any type or take over the church is he is attending. Teaching address repentance vs. remorse, control, causing church splits, EXCELLENT teaching of fourteen characteristics. Close of teaching, talks about when and why you remove someone, three items. At this time Phillips should not be in any ministry at all, if ever. Very disturbing read on Phillips.
Unrepentant leadership list is huge who have NOT submitted to counseling, time mandated to step down; or any type of correction and worse, by major leaders who are men. Unfortunately they put themselves back in the pulpit or in leadership position, mainly because of the money, lifestyle and power trip. They can’t make that type of money and all expenses paid in secular world and the lifestyle they have had off the people’s money and sad; REALLY, DIDN’T HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. Read two articles in Charisma, on two men in Christendom; that church leadership has taken out against men that have NOT submitted and have nothing to do with. You should have picketed Phillips ministry at the time (interviewed years ago the picketers outside Anaheim Convention Center when B. Hinn was speaking, very illuminating).
November 25, 2014 at 3:30 pm
While I realize that Doug Phillips has done wrong and treated others wrongly and with sinful motives, I have a hard time reading the open letters. I do not think it is wise to cite a laundry list of Doug Phillips’ sins that only the Holy Spirit can know. It is the same action he took in accusing this woman of sin. It actually is returning wrong for wrong. As an innocent person who had to also leave a church behind, our family chose to remain quiet about the tragedy and move on to a new church fellowship that turned out to be wonderful. After many years, folks from the former church apologized to us, and we were vindicated. Not by our own words, or justifications, but by their observance of our godly living. God will surely vindicate you. There is no need to grandstand. These letters do not leave room for God’s vengeance, “I will repay says the Lord.” Wait upon the Lord.
November 26, 2014 at 5:27 pm
Oh Conservadiva, I so, so disagree. I understand your sentiment and I wish it were that simple. But it’s not.
First, to say that *anything* we can say or do doesn’t “leave room for God’s vengeance” means we are limiting His ability to judge and discipline, and neither I nor you are that powerful. No one can stay His hand, especially not by something we choose to write or not write.
Second, if you wish things to stay quiet you don’t understand the magnitude either of the lives this man has ruined or the danger that many, many families still revere Doug and are under his influence through his writings, films, and other teachings. To fail to expose him and warn others is to disregard this admonition from Proverbs: “Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter. If you say, ‘Behold, we did not know this,’ does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” Yes, God will repay Doug and the ones who helped him deceive and destroy, but these verses are speaking of the way God will repay US if we do not warn, rescue, hold back from slaughter the ones being carried away. How can we do this if we don’t tell them?
I think the “open letters” were a very gentle, classy way to warn all who will listen, as well as to speak truth to those who hurt Jen and who go on hurting thousands of others with their lies.
Thank you, Jen.
November 26, 2014 at 5:28 pm
I want to add, too, that though there are sins that only the Holy Spirit can know, there are plenty that are out there for all to see and that are not in dispute.
December 7, 2014 at 12:35 am
Actually these letters do not do anything that restricts God from doing whatever it is God will do. That’s the most awesome thing about it all. I freaking love free will and how God is not in anyway encumbered by our humanity.
I love the letters, Jen. Gives me hope for closure of heart / spirit wounds of my own not related to any of this just on a larger scale.
November 26, 2014 at 9:12 am
Jen, I am happy to see some finality here…or rather some moving on. I am not bca but have been completely burdened about this whole stigma ever since humpty dumpty’s fall. If you could ever tidy up some of the loose ends about a few other personalities here as far as their consequences and reactions, it would prove helpful to me because they are convincing and influential authors of children’s and parent material that is still being used in co ops and classrooms. This is disconcerting to me. I am referring to sproul, kev swanson, jon park affiliates, icr, ham, duggar, etc.
I have my opinion based on my own follow up, but any other updates would be appreciated. I see this as related because it was through dp that many of us made these other connections.
November 30, 2014 at 1:25 am
There is so many false church leadership that did this and with no accountability and worse they still had a congregation follow them when did and said to the tune. Of: Now keep in mind these men were married with children, they would convey before entire congregations, Bible Studies etc., this is my physical wife (current one), and now god (their god) is bringing me my spiritual wife and or justifying adultery; numerous affairs. Meaning, everyone is to agree they’re going to cast first wife aside and marry spiritual wife. One example of MANY is article by Valerie G. Lowe 09/30/2000 “Tammera McClendon continues her ministry after stressful divorce”, Charisma Magazine (my thoughts, where are they now, like Timms fiasco). Wonder how many of these made Prosperity Pimp list on apostasywatch.com (which, add Phillips to that list and all blog sites, articles etc.,).
Scary read where Phillips referring to his wife might die and then he would/might marry the nanny (World Net Daily article). Did anyone ask D. Phillips was he praying for his wife to die, thought about it, entertained it, wanted it? By the way, that’s covered Jezebel teaching by Jackson. So many men, want there cake and eating it too with no repercussions, ramifications and or accountability. Also, please keep quiet regarding Court Case; learned the hard way, people who gossip have no life, live there life through others and are very UNHAPPY people (came out of a VERY gossip whoremonger church where it was NEVER addressed and or corrected). Maybe book publisher will makes offers!
Pioneerhomeschooler your memo was correct, 11/26; there is lot’s of Bible Verses where leaders are to be taken public, so many people (sheeple) worship men over Jesus and that these types of men can do no wrong.
November 30, 2014 at 2:10 pm
“Did anyone ask D. Phillips was he praying for his wife to die, thought about it, entertained it, wanted it?”
Wanted it? It would appear so. Jen and I know the backstory on that, as do a few other people. There was quite a bit more going on than Doug Phillips merely praying that Beall would die. Doug in fact had good cause to believe Beall would die, and it’s only by the grace of God (and certainly not Doug) that she didn’t.
That’s all I can say about that topic. It’s entirely possible that much more will come out in the trial.
December 4, 2014 at 5:17 am
Google: Imprecatory prayers and do all reads and comments. Also, Jen//Eston you might want to contact Andy Cominskey of Desert Stream Ministries and LeaAnn Payne (not sure if still living) and ask questions regarding if any leadership had the tendencies they deal with and or write about in the LGTB world and hide behind married with children of NOT dealing with issues (John Paul Jackson covers that in his Jezebel teaching tape also; you might to contact his ministry and ask if has more information on). Not to point the finger, something to be made aware of as we don’t think to look at the big picture of earlier years of people and those in leadership and their abuses and or why we do the things we do (applies to any types of abuse). What reason behind hitler/Napoleon complex (foundational issues). David Alsobrook has good book on “Accuser” along with “Three Battlegrounds”, by Francis Frangipane along with judging righteous judgment, “Biblical Church Discipline. By Daniel Wray.
December 6, 2014 at 10:06 am
Yesterday I was told, by a dear friend, that a fellow from my old fellowship had asked him if I’d said anything about my old church. He was fishing. That was discouraging to me. After what some of you have been through it is easy to be discouraged but I want to share some thoughts I had this morning. I’d woken up fresh from a dream.
You know how clear a dream can be when you first wake up? If you go back to sleep you’ll lose it. In my dream I met a little lady from my old church who, in our last phone conversation, hung up on me. In the dream we had a sweet reunion. In my dream I met person after person and there was love flowing out and over us and we were all one. My dream will come true, I don’t know when, but it will! When dear christian saints are put at odds, one against the other, we need to remember that, in the end, love wins!
When christian brothers and sisters speak discouragingly about you remember: they’ve bought into an idea that looks good but divides the body of Christ; they’re listening to the ‘angel of light’. When that happens it’s time to remember that old slew foot can work his work but the WORK of God is bigger and better and more powerful than anything of this world. One day you will have a sweet reunion. In the end love wins.
God may take us through hard times and we may look at our circumstances and wonder just how in the world is THIS going to work out? Even when other’s misunderstand us and folks from the pulpit to the pew misrepresent us. Even in those times God is still in charge and He promises to work ALL things toward good for His children. Not some things. All things. God is working it all out. In the end love wins.
When things seem discouraging, when we wonder if the folks we love will ever come to an understanding, then it is time to remember God’s promises. You and I, every saint, is just passing through this old world and heaven is our home. We have a hope, a sure calling and because of that we can know that love wins.
Keep praying. Prayers are not cheap. Real prayers are often spoken through lips and hearts that could easily be focused on circumstances of life that would render them void of hope; but you have risen above and are seated in the heavenlies with your Lord and Savior. Pray with hope because you know that, in the end, LOVE WINS!
December 6, 2014 at 10:54 am
Andrew, this word of yours really spoke to me this morning. I needed to be reminded of this. Thank you.
December 6, 2014 at 11:13 am
Dear Friend, I needed it too! You have been an encouragement to me. Many here have.
December 8, 2014 at 5:15 pm
Andrew, you are a good man and are doing the right thing. Never doubt that. You have made public things that were hidden far too long. I always knew something was up but could never quite put my finger on it, it all makes sense now. Thank you so much for telling your story.
December 11, 2014 at 3:43 am
Eyes and Ears: Thank you, I am not really a good man, BUT God is faithful and I am saved! PTL! It seems God must take us through certain experiences to reach us and teach us. I am a slow learner, I had gone through the same thing at a house church only to go through it again at my old church. BUT along the way I got saved so, I am grateful to God for His mercy. The worst thing we can do is to be silent. This blog afforded the opportunity to speak out. Any sign of questioning authority was quickly squashed by an unteachable, controlling leader. I believe many folks tried to meet with the leader and tried to tell the church what was happening but they didn’t stand a chance.
I researched the matter pretty extensively because I am OCD. I even called the town where the failed church plant was and placed an add in the paper asking folks to call me if they knew anything more about the story. The records from the state do show a church but it did not last every long and was not under the same leader during the total time of record. One older pastor I contacted remarked, ‘I don’t know what happened, he was here, then gone and the church folded.’ The folks involved in the NCFIC do not make many converts, they mainly build their congregations by proselytizing homeschooling families.
I do have a correction to one remark I made: I do not think I was put under church discipline. I believe the congregation was merely told that I was a gossip saying hurtful things about the church on the internet. The report was confused because the tale from the pulpit about me was done on the same day that two others were put under church discipline. I never said anything bad about the church. I have tried to warn them and only told the truth about the leader and the direction he is taking the church; I never said anything directly against the body of believers. I love them all. I hope you escaped and I would be happy to meet you sometime. And you are right, every head scratching event makes sense once you put all the pieces in place.
December 11, 2014 at 5:21 pm
I escaped quite a few years ago….literally scooped up my family and never looked back. I had voiced my concern and was told to “get over it”. A lot of times the no gossip rule is to keep the truth from getting out. Reading your words has given me such peace, thank you again!
December 12, 2014 at 9:39 am
I was wondering if you were on site when the folks from the failed church plant came up and tried to warn the church about what was going on. They were escorted out by ushers and the fliers they put on cars in the lot were whisked off and no one was told what they were about. I find it hard to imagine folks would come all the way north to warn others about something they did not feel passionate about. Do you know what that flier was about?
December 12, 2014 at 11:31 am
I had family who was there….very strange. I just never understood why everything was so secret. Lay all the facts out on the table and let people decide if they want to stay or not. Everything was always so hidden and hushed about that situation yet if a member were to do the same you would be called out and “disciplined”. I will never ever put myself in a situation where I will be disciplined or shunned. I remember shortly after we left we seen a deacon and his wife at the store, reached out to shake his hand, and he glared and walked off. Disgusting behavior.
December 13, 2014 at 3:00 am
Eyes and Ears, Re: ‘everything hidden’. When I found out that the first church always mentioned was a failure and heard the telephone interview where the leader spoke of his coming with a ‘five year deprogramming plan’ then I absolutely and sadly realized that deception and obfuscation were not by accident but by design. When you love someone it is hard to come to know that lies and deceit are a very real way of life for them. To this day I do not think many know of the depth or extent of the deception. It was all very disappointing but then that is why we need a Savior; there but for the grace of God go i. God willing, I will never be a part of a pastor rule church again. My next dictator will be my Jesus!
December 13, 2014 at 7:19 pm
Jan, Please pass my email onto Eyes and Ears. I am still researching something that might be referenced to in the statement, ‘Everything was always so hidden and hushed about that situation’. If E&E is willing I’d like to talk privately.
December 7, 2014 at 11:17 am
I’ve LEARNED this the hard way: People who gossip have NO LIFE, live there life through others and are VERY UNHAPPY people. Came out of a few too many gossip whoremonger churches, that was NEVER addressed and or corrected or really taught NOT TO DO (weren’t applying our Bibles maybe let alone reading them). We were all waiting for the hirelings, wolves in the pulpit to teach us the Word, but had major issues of power, control, unhealedness themselves. When you come out of such horrific church/leadership abuse I personally had two friends that let me get through stuff and let me vent. When I met Richard Rossi one of my first questions to him (recognized him to be one “violently killed in the church metaphorically speaking”, his response was people etc,). King David had Jonathan. Lot’s of LOVE is so needed in the church and our lives.
Regarding Dreams/Visions etc. Took Prophetic Class years ago and teacher said keep journal/pen by the bed write down everything that you can remember, EVERYTHING has a significance whether you understand it or not, color, bee’s, trains, planes, automobile’s; any and all of it. One book of many on subject: “Dream Come True by James Ryle”. Prayer: “More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of”, and fast/pray your guts out. Rees Howell book on Intercession and “Shaping History through Prayer and Fasting” by Derek Prince-1973.
P.S. The man who went fishing, God says many people for years to correct pastor/church then the fruit of ramifications. I don’t know why these leaders/people in the church, think they can do what they do and not make world wide news, or be taken public like 10 Lies the Church Tells Women by Grady (drop in bucket); worse to be named, like to the list of “Report Church Abuse List”.
December 12, 2014 at 9:44 am
WOW, thanks for your response. It sounds like you’re on a bit of a journey! Just remember that God is faithful and will be with you in it all. Glad you’re making progress. Blessings!
December 7, 2014 at 12:06 pm
P..S. Oops, why program changes words, last paragraph should be God sends, not says.
Was grieving over this and been searching for the WHY? Who was the pastor/priest/nun/person or circumstance(s) that came in at age 9 that caused this famous comedian NOT to believe in God anymore; wow and have I done that to someone (he is extremely offensive/foul and very syndical and bitter; but was, very prophetic). What’s sad, is his whole life’s message would have been SO DIFFERENT if someone had truly lived GOD/Jesus/Holy Spirit. Wonder what came into cause this root of bitterness that sprung up and defiled many and he had radio/T.V. And platform to do so, worse an audience, whew. What happened, someone not living Christian, not helping out of poverty, molested, whatever issue-whew, wow, who is the person who caused the offense Luke 17:1-4, Matthew 18:All (highlighting 6), Mark 9:35-50 ((highlighting 42). Thank God for the Life of Joseph message (great teaching by Graham Cooke). Worse, for the person NOT to apologize and or make it right. Talking and living two different items.
Went to live in Desert for awhile, no car, stripped of everything and God showed me my sins and when came out of Desert I looked up and or wrote everyone to apologize for my part (not responsible if they forgave me, just responsible for my part and by the way, that’s ongoing). Forgiveness, Grace, Mercy, Repentance, Love is absolutely amazing!
December 28, 2014 at 9:29 pm
Was so happy to read this! I was in the V.F. movement (not in the BEORNE church but defintly the teaching!) for years and was DEEPLY wounded by all the deciet and sin so wrapped around Doug and the movement. I have been in the process of healing over the last year, and can feel my bitterness draining and my sympathy going out to Doug and the Family….slowly, but surely I feel the anger going away. I still have so many questions about what prominent V.F. persons are currently thinking about what has happned (Jenny Chancey, Botkin Family etc) but know that legal binds are probably tying people down. I know all will come out in time, and that, for my own sake, I must find my peace without relying wholly on the answers to questions. Peace and reconciliation must come from within. All of us hurt people will need strength and unity to heal. We must be careful to learn from this tragic mess and be watchful for movements that might spring up which focus on legalism instead of the plain ole’ Gospel of Jesus-the Cross of forgiveness and grace. Like the V.F. movement said so often “sola scriptura ” Scritpure Alone. God is so good to us. I am learning from Him to breathe and be still. Not relying on performance or work to earn my salvation. I am still surprised how easy it is to fall back into those mind sets! To feel if I don’t cook and clean and work and talk “correctly” and strive to be the BEST Biblical woman I can be, that I am a failure. I am so relieved to admit my humaness. To let God be perfect for me, to let His forgiveness sweep over me. Only in that freedom can I walk in peace, and Glorify God as He deserves! My, how much I have learned (which is positive!) just from this horrible experience, as I am sure many of you have! God can work all things for the good of those who trust Christ Jesus. Amen and Blessings (and healing!) to you all!
January 14, 2015 at 9:16 pm
Yep, sounds like you’re on your way home! My salvation closely coincided with leaving legalism (aka Bill Gothard, VF, Patriarchalism, NCFIC movements) and the first thing I found was a love and forgiveness for my brothers and sisters that came right from Christ. Hey, we all screw up and will until we are completed in Christ by laying aside this body we carry around. Keep a clear head and keep focused on Christ Jesus and your Heavenly Father they will never let you down, listen to the Spirit and oh yes, keep loving your brothers and sisters even if they are a hot mess. 🙂
January 20, 2015 at 9:00 am
Almost 40 years ago my husband was called into the pastor’s office to discuss his wayward wife (me!). My husband was minister of youth, music and education. We had been married a short time when he was hired at the 1st Baptist church in a small Ark. town, the second within a year because he had been hired and let go even before he started at another 1st Baptist church in a small Ark. town. I was told it was because of me, but I never met the pastor or the congregation, in fact, was in another state at the time. They actually hired Jim Nabors’ cousin (yes, THAT Jim Nabors!) but he only lasted a few months because he felt he was not where he was supposed to be (duh, he had the position my husband was supposed to have and the Holy Spirit was telling him so!)
Back to the second church—My sins were not drinking, cussing or adultery, all of which would have been good reasons to question my husband and bring him before the pastor. My sins were not even any I can find anywhere in the bible. My sins, according to the pastor, were riding my horse to church, and wearing pants all the time, and cats, just 2 (we now have 12 or is it 13?), and not keeping the neatest house. That pastor had told me the day we arrived I was always to wear dresses and he hinted strongly that cats were not proper for a minister of music’s wife to have, in fact, he and his wife had gotten rid of their Siamese when they accepted pastorate at this church. I told him that I could not find any of these rules in the Bible.
We left shortly after that to avoid a church split. The people wanted us and wanted to get rid of the pastor, but my husband was not going to be part of anything like that.
Yes, we are still Christian but no longer attend church.
January 22, 2015 at 4:23 pm
It really is amazing the criteria lists that some pastors manage to come up with; but your story is one of the funniest ones I’ve ever heard.
The cats I have no answer for, but the riding your horse to church issue is easily addressed with and a long dress. 😉 With those you’d probably even pass muster at Boerne Christian Assembly.
Seriously though, there’s at least one cowboy church within riding distance of you, and probably more within driving distance. I’m 100% confident they’d welcome you with open arms, in your jeans no less, and probably even your cats too!
January 22, 2015 at 9:01 pm
actually it is harder to ride sidesaddle than astride…once heard that is the world was logical, men would ride sidesaddle and women astride. I hesitate to attend a cowboy church (they are all over Texas) due to my intentions would be to go for the horses and not for God.
January 22, 2015 at 9:02 pm
once heard that IF the world was logical (I gotta proof
July 18, 2015 at 9:06 pm
Was blessed to read your loving letters to DP, Beall, the children, BCA and the others.
My wife and I have recently finally left the NCFIC church we were members of for 7+ years. Still grieving and hurting.
Seeing more clearly the bondage of unbiblical patriarchy. Trusting God to bring leaders to repentance or justice.
Would appreciate prayers for my own love for God and His Word, and also repentance towards God, my precious wife, Carol, and my adult children Freedom from the legalism.
December 3, 2016 at 1:20 pm
Jen: Do you have a blog post or a response now that Lourdes has admitted to lying and retracting her statement? It is believed that she was misled by Nolan (now her ex hubby) to file this as a retaliation against Doug to bring him down.
October 29, 2020 at 9:25 am
Just now saw this. I am not going to say much except that I spent many hours with both Lourdes and Nolan and what Lourdes originally stated was the truth.
Attorneys know how to wear people down.
May 13, 2019 at 2:47 pm
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